So You Want to Marry My Daughter

What People Say

This book will serve to equip men towards building strong marriages, families, churches, communities and nations. 

Elliot M. Mandaza
Pastor, Jabula New Life Covenant Church

A timely and practical book and a formative document for the generations to come. Invest in your own manliness. 

Chris Zeelie.  
Visionary pastor of Foresight Church, New Covenant Ministries International. Director of ‘Absolute Men’

…filled with his first-hand wisdom and insight forged through years of pressing his face into the storm and holding fast. 

Ian Conolly
Leadership and Culture consultant

With fathers increasingly absent in their lives, many grow up without a sense of identity or destiny resulting in deep confusion and personal crisis. Presented in a methodical and easy-to-understand manner, I share biblical truths as a father to a son who longs to authentically love his wife and lead a strong, healthy family.

Laid out as both a challenge and a journal, this book, aimed specifically towards young men, also serves as a valuable benchmark for young women who get to see just what a good husband and father ought to look like. 

This book is makes a perfect gift to any couple contemplating a future together as well as for pastors and leaders involved in effective marriage preparation. Don’t settle for less than the very best for your future and that of your children. 

The following, taken from the introduction to the book, shares my purpose and passion for writing:

The other day my daughter came to me quite concerned about her future. At seventeen she was on the cusp of completing her high school education and dreaming about the next phase of her life, which may or may not include marriage. Her concern was that the man she may one day marry might not have had the same values and upbringing that she had enjoyed. I was startled at her concerns and yet immensely proud at her thinking process. She realised that she had inherited something beautiful, good, valuable, and that she was neither ready nor willing to surrender it. 

What was this inheritance? It was the value of a deep and real faith, hope and love rooted in relationship with the God of all creation, received by grace through faith in Jesus Christ who proclaimed that reconciliation to the Father (and, as a result, to others) was only possible through Him. This relationship had transformed her very being and was reflected in all aspects of her character, attitudes, actions and life choices, including that of marriage.

As a married father of three daughters, I have deliberately raised them to know and follow God wherever and however they choose to live. Contrary to popular thinking in this post-truth society, I believe that as a clear-thinking, level-headed father who has chosen a life of surrender to love (as revealed through Jesus), it is my responsibility to equip and release my daughters into the world secure in my love, and clear on their identities and destinies. I know that every father’s effect on his children—for good or evil—has lasting impact.

Children raised by such loving fathers will be confident children knowing who they are and where they are going. They will experience great success, usually becoming natural leaders. This is the kind of woman I unapologetically raised.

Returning to my daughter’s concern. Given how the world is going, it is increasingly unlikely that my daughter will commit to a man with a similar upbringing. It is in response to this question that I write this book which started as a simple letter to my future son. My hope is that many lives and marriages may be encouraged, guided, perhaps even transformed by its stories and principles. 

Generally guys struggle to articulate their thoughts and even fewer keep a journal. Journaling is a learned skill that keeps you focused of your mission. I have incorporated blank pages so that you can write down your thoughts as you grapple with the text. There will be questions and exercises to help you with the various tasks that you will encounter along the journey. Don’t be afraid to write in the book. Underline and highlight portions of it as you feel it relates to you. This is not a textbook; it’s your personalised field guide, and it should include your own story. 

Finally it is important to state that whilst this book is intended for universal application I have chosen to present it from the principles and perspectives rooted in the Bible. Reasons for this is two-fold. My experiences are unique and whilst may be helpful, they remain subjective. Presenting relationships through the lens of scripture helps us to view these ancient principles more objectively. Second, by choosing a life partner in ‘marriage’ automatically assumes the position of a union ordained by God and so it would make sense to help us understand these marriage objectives through its original intent. 

If you do not identify yourself as a Christ-follower or even a particularly spiritual person, then I hope that you will not put this book down. Irrespective of your personal beliefs you still have much to learn as the principles of healthy relationships truly are universal. We all desire to be loved, belong and be brave. 


  • Gardener (patient cultivator)
  • Warrior (courageous protector)
  • Prince (faithful lover)
  • Priest (prophetic guide)
  • King (visionary leader)

Let’s build families together.

Many young men and women desperately need this vital information to empower them to build a healthy future for themselves and their families. Most of them have never had a father-figure to help guide them through their relationships resulting in increased domestic violence, broken families and a continuation of the fatherless cycle.

Your investment into the life of one individual has the potential to transform a family, a community and a generation for God’s glory. Partner with me today as we get this resource into the hands of those who need it most!

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